TW: victim blaming, rape, sex shaming
Because a lot of people have been talking about this lately here is your quarterly reminder to not shame people for being sexually active or being sexual people and to not call women “sluts” or any other related word unless they are reclaiming the word for themselves and you use it in a positive way that they gave their explicit permission for you to do.
If you are angry at someone and dislike them instead of going straight to calling them “sluts”, “hos”, “bitches” or any other word think about why you dislike them and then call them out on that. Did they cheat on your best friend? Just tell people that they cheated on your best friend! Do they not know how to have safer sex? Just tell people they don’t know how to have safer sex!
If you find that whatever the reason you dislike them is something that people call you out on “They got raped”, “They have an STI”, “They sleep with lots of people”, “They have one night stands”, “They have had an abortion” well then maybe you shouldn’t be calling people sluts.
Here’s the thing
This is a novel idea for some
HAVING SEX IS OKAY
Having a lot of sex is okay
Dealing with the repercussions of sex is okay (getting an STI, getting pregnant, dealing with a relationship or breakup)
Someone can get pregnant or get an STI the first time they have sex. It could be after being in a long lasting relationship, it could be after they’ve been married, they may have been born with an STI, or they may have been raped and sexually abused. It’s a slippery slope. Even if someone has tons of sex and never uses protection and has millions of STIs and abortions or adopts off all the babies or whatever you can’t judge them because you’re also going to be judging all the other people in similar situations. And chances are that person had next to no sex education and didn’t know any better and maybe had other problems going on as well.
The thing is we are human. Don’t judge someone for the amount of sex they have. Sex is fun. There are ways to have sex responsibly and chances are the people that don’t just had horrible sex education. How about we work towards making sure everyone has great sex education so that they can make informed decisions instead of making sex a shameful thing that usually just makes people hate themselves and have unsafe sex anyway while feeling incredibly guilty about it and making everything a million times worse.
People don’t get STI treatments or tests because they are ashamed
People don’t tell their partners they’ve had STI treatments because they are ashamed
People don’t get help for sexual abuse because they are ashamed
People stay in abusive relationships because they are ashamed
People don’t take care of themselves because they are ashamed
People hurt themselves because they are ashamed
People are forced into marriages or being parents or getting abortions when they don’t want to because they are ashamed
People think it’s okay for them to feel like crap because they deserve it because YOU shame them
So before you shame that person for having sex or taking pictures of themselves naked (or even people who never have had sex or never want sex) take a moment to think about what affect you’re having on the world.
Stop the cycle that makes people ashamed of their bodies and their urges (or lack thereof) and help people feel empowered enough to realize they deserve to have their needs taken care of and they deserve to do it in the safest way possible and they deserve to get treatment if something does happen and they deserve love and great sex AND a great life after.